Baby corn makes me angry.

When I was a kid, I loved baby corn. It had nothing to do with the taste or the texture, but was really centered around the fact that it's a Lilliputian version of a standard sized vegetable. It was adorable. I'm sure the folks at Hershey would call it "fun sized" and, when I was 7, "fun-sized" was the key to complete vegetable satisfaction.

But as I've gotten older, my horizons have expanded, and taste has long bypassed cuteness on the Food Priority Scale. And I've grown to detest baby corn. Really detest it. I am vehemently anti-baby corn. I don't dislike baby corn in the way that I dislike black licorice and olives, two things that I respect and I continue to try to force myself to learn to like. I can understand why people would like olives and black licorice. Not so with baby corn.

It's not so much the taste of baby corn that I find so offensive, it's more its existence. Baby corn has no reason to be. It doesn’t taste like real corn. Its not even really known for it's taste (which is bland and pickled and wholly un-corn-like), but mostly for the texture it adds to salads and stirfries. It has no impressive nutritional value, which I think is pretty much a requirement for vegetables. Its not worthy of the corn moniker.

You don't see broccoli coming out with "baby broccoli" (broccolini is a whole 'nother vegetable) or parsnips pushing "baby parsnips." Baby carrots tried to get in on the baby action, but they're really just regular sized carrots cut small and they humbly pack a complete carrot punch. I can muster up respect for baby spinach and baby peas, because they're tasty in their own right. The only good baby corn has accomplished in it’s life is that scene in Big, where Tom Hanks nibbles the kernels row by row. And that stops being funny after you see it twice.

Baby corn has proven itself a completely superfluous vegetable. We just don't need it. It's not like normal sized corn is so unwieldy that fully-mature kernels won't fit on your plate. Granted, you can't eat the cob on a normal sized ear, but I'm not sure cob-eating should be a priority. I think deliciousness should be a priority. And baby corn just isn't pulling its weight on that front.

(Cartoon courtesy of Natalie Dee. Go admire her stuff.)


ClaireWalter said...

The mention of baby corn reminds of a scene in "Big," in which Tom Hanks nibbles on baby corn.
Claire @ http://culinary-colorado.blogspot.com

C said...

I guess I'm not over the novelty of their small cuteness yet. The only food I deem to be entirely unnecessary to anyone's life or happiness is the cucumber.

amanda said...

Baby carrots are worse because they're just carrots shaved down to baby size.

I'd hate them except that I like carrots. I just don't see why they have to lie like that.

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jeni said...

o gosh, i like baby corn. the texture and cuteness *is* enough. but i'm a fan of most pickled veggies.. and because i never buy baby corns myself, their goodness depends heavily on the quality of the restaurant i'm trying, which is more of a determining factor on whether i'll like the food in general.

i just randomly found your blog, but i really love it! i hope you haven't given it up for good...

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Anne said...

This is the first time I've come across a Natalie Dee cartoon in a food blog. Which is a shame, because I think everyone (even food bloggers) need some Natalie Dee-ness in their life.
(and yes, I hate baby corn, too.)

JonathanNYC said...

OMG just went on the Internets for shits and giggles to see if there was anyone else out there that shared my disdain for this horrid yellow shaft.


And a fellow Brooklynite, to boot.